personal :: our experiments in egalitarianism and what that means for you

May i share a bit of my heart here with you? I'm not sure it's technically good business sense to be this transparent with you, but I've always erred on the side of openness and authenticity. 

I love my work, the time spent with families showing them the beautiful in their ordinary lives, and especially the walking with women -- camera in hand -- as they birth their babies and in the days just after. There is so much life on these endeavors, so much joy and energy in the wake of these personal encounters with people.

But for quite a long while I was feeling guilty for loving it so much, as if to love and pursue this work is somehow a distraction from the more important/spiritual work of co-leading the ministry or an injustice to my young children who need their mama. Maybe to some of you that seems immediately ridiculous and you're able to call it for the flawed thinking that it is. But for me, it took a bit of time to move through. I had to deconstruct some faulty paradigms before i could accept the facts that what my kids need is a mom who is fully alive and joyful, and that God is glorified not only in explicit/vocational ministry but in every place where one of His kids brings the gifts and passions He's planted in him/her and offers it to the world with love. 

Another factor is the fact that in the recent past this humble little business has moved from a thing where I have to work hard to drum up more work to do and into a place where there were more offers of work than I could actually say yes to because I was needed at home.

Those personal processes of mine intersected over the last several months with some of my husband's own processes as well as some evolutions in our ministry, neither or which I'll get into here because they are not mine to tell. But the long and short of it is that suddenly Tim and I found ourselves dreaming outside the box we'd been inhabiting for several years. We put all the pieces of our life on the table and picked them up for reevaluation because we realized we have enough freedom and flexibility to do so, which is a privilege I do not take lightly. 

And on the other end of that dreaming and reevaluation and rearranging of pieces, we came to the idea of a 3-4 month long experiment in which we would split down the middle the tasks of income-earning and parenting and housekeeping. Tim will go down to half-time in his current employment and I will amp up my own employment to compensate for that (and then some, hopefully). We've crafted a weekly schedule that has us each at home with the kids doing meal prep and chores and parenting roughly the same amount of hours each week... AND going "out there" into the world to do the work God's asked us to do. 

Now, guys, this is totally an experiment and I'm aware that it could completely BOMB. I'm also very aware that it's terminal, as I'll be giving birth in mid-December and as someone who takes postpartum self-care and fourth trimester bonding very seriously, I'm super committed to having a good size maternity leave, which means I won't be earning any money for a few months.

But this leap of faith feels right, almost even inevitable, and we're confident that our Father God has led us here. I'm excited for the ways this will bring our family together, for the time it gives Tim to be with our kids more, and for the opportunity to see what it feels like to stretch my wings a bit and make my work more than a side job. I'm also excited and a bit terrified to see how God will provide for us as we leap into a new family economy in which income is less reliable. I have lots of fears that I'm facing as we start to walk down this road, but none of them threaten to undo me. So, here we go!

NOW, what does this mean for you? 

1. You can probably book a session this fall, possibly at relatively short notice. I've mentioned in the past that I'm filling up quickly for the fall leading up to my maternity leave, but this move to egalitarianism allows me to book more sessions than what I already have. Please reach out if you'd like to make a beautiful story together. 

2. If you are pregnant and due in October or November, there's a special deal in effect just for you. You can read more about that HERE. 

3. You might get a discount on something. I'll be running a couple of flash sales in the coming weeks, including some discounts on session fees and/or high-res digital files. Follow me on FB (set preferences to "show first" in your newsfeed) and IG (@brookecollierphoto) to stay in the loop with those!

Thanks for sticking with me this long! I welcome your feedback or personal stories about adventures in egalitarianism. I also look forward to meeting new people, telling more stories, and seeing again the friendly faces of returning client-friends in the months to come. 

personal :: our 4th baby

It might sound crazy, and maybe it is, but within a couple months of giving birth to Walter, I knew that I wanted one more baby. More accurately, I had a strong sense that there was one more person that was meant to be added to our family. With a bit of nervousness, I approached the subject with Tim one day while we were in the car on the way to the beach. To my surprise, he immediately agreed. It was the most obvious thing to both of us. 

We agreed that there was no particular rush on working to create that new person, but that we'd leave things open to possibility and God's timing. 

It was shortly before Walter's 1st birthday that this baby was conceived, and I found out about the pregnancy the week after Walter's 1st birthday. It was the most purely and contentedly joyful news for both of us. 

Fast forward to mid-July when we had our first ultrasound, our first chance to see our baby. Look at that sweet little face!

At the ultrasound, we asked the technician not to tell us the gender, but to EMAIL our friend Michelle from my phone with an email saying simply "boy" or "girl." Michelle would then leap into action assembling the gender reveal cake, which we would then cut into upon our return home from picking up the older kids from their grandparents' house. Well, there was just one problem: the tech couldn't get THE ideal shot for gender determination. She got it from a couple of slightly-off angles and both times was pretty sure she saw the same signs but she said she's rate her level of certainty at 88.9%. Ugh. Is 88.9% enough to go on for the gender reveal party we had planned for that very same evening?, we wondered. But the train was set in motion so we stuck with the plan. 

Here are the kids waiting eagerly to cut into the cake. We decided to do this part on our own as a family BEFORE all our friends and family came over to have their own revelation moment. 

And now you can witness our little moment by watching this video I made on my camera...

Lots of friends and family came over shortly thereafter for a little party, which was also very fun. Almost everyone guessed it would be a girl. We did a live video of the unveiling on FB so our far-away family and friends could tune in, too. 

Those cupcakes had pink frosting inserted in the middle, so upon biting into them, the truth was revealed! 

AND, we went back this past week for a second ultrasound to get a closer to 100% certainty rate on baby's gender. Confirmed: GIRL BABY! 

We're so excited to round out our little tribe with another little girl. 

personal :: day in the life, february edition

At the beginning of this year I sat down and put four randomly selected dates on the calendar, designating them in advance as the days that I would do a personal Day In The Life (DITL), one per quarter. The first of those dates was February 24, and on that day, this is what life looked like at our house. 

Using my remote, I was able to make a few pictures of myself getting things prepped in the kitchen before the kids came down for their breakfast. I was showered and dressed in the day's clothes from the waist UP, but still had on pajama pants because I didn't want to sneak into the room where the baby was sleeping in order to get some jeans from my noisy dresser. 

Other random details I notice here, which delight my heart, even as they annoy me: the pile of dried rice and pumpkin seeds on Gus' bed (why?!), Hazel using a tiny orange container to pour water over her hair so that she can brush it out before going to school, Hazel's high-water pink snow pants that she won't stop wearing even though they are now obviously too short. And then there's Gus's belly, which is slowly shrinking from it's toddler status to that of a little boy, and he's wearing a pink cloth diaper in a few of these, because his daddy put it on him before his nap (he can't sleep without wetting himself, but he's otherwise mostly in big boy underplants now). I love the way that Walter looks up at Gus with admiration and an unfettered grin on his face in the photos taken by the window toward the end. All of Gus' grumpy faces, and the way Hazel is pulling Walter off the bed because she takes so much pride in being able to lift and carry him. The images Gus took of ME sitting/laying on my bed in the afternoon,  my exhaustion so apparent. Nursing Walter in front of my computer while I watch a Creative Live class. Tim eating a mid-day smoothie, which is the story of his life. ;) And, of course, the morning visitors: my new friends with whom trust and affection levels are quickly rising. 

Those are the sorts of detail that makes these photos so special, even though, to be honest with you, I don't feel like I did my best work with the photos on this particular day. 

personal :: winter at our house

as a birth photographer, i sometimes do secret work. work that's lovely and meaningful, but not for everyone to see. hence the quietness on this blog of late. 

but i've been shooting my own family like crazy. as a family photographer with some seasonal affective disorder, this is sort of therapy for me in the long winter season. and i have to say, friends, i'm lately really sentimental about my little people. because HOW are they suddenly so big, so capable, so smart... and so hilarious?! these days -- long as drag-on difficult as they sometimes are -- are numbered, and i'm grasping to capture them. 

so i give you our winter, in no particular order, in photos. mostly taken in the morning hours. 

I'm looking for a few good men -- er, families -- willing to invest in a half day family photojournalism session. without cleaning up first, without looking your best or trying to impress anyone at all. just you, as you are. read more here.

happy winter (an open letter)

hello friends, 

happy new year and happy winter to you. i hope your christmas time was sweet, and that it included lots of snuggling, love, and quality time with your people. i hope that in the middle of chaos and messes that there was great beauty and connection. 

our little family spent two weeks of december battling strep throat without antibiotics (and kicking it's butt); first me and then my husband. graciously, none of our children were afflicted. during this time we also had a friend staying with us as part of her year-long travel project. she saw us at a low point, for sure. we recovered just in the knick of time to enjoy christmas with our extended families, traveling to three cities in two states to attend four christmas gatherings, not including that which we celebrated on our own christmas eve and christmas morning at our own home (phew! what a ride!). we returned home on new year's eve, just in time to attend the funeral of a very good man, whose daughter is my dear friend, then to attend a reunion-party for past and preset interns in our ministry. gosh, it's a busy time of year. 

the new year rolls around, and with it all the reflecting backward and projecting forward, forming intentions and resolve around who we want to be and where we want to invest the limited hours and energy we have available to spend. then the return to normalcy, the detoxing from rich holiday foods, and the hunkering down to survive another michigan winter. for me, this new year is starting off strong, and i'm feeling focused and fresh. what a gift that is. 

but my camera has not been getting a lot of attention. i photographed all the christmases on my iPhone because i couldn't be bothered to pick up the real deal. i'm in a bit of a creative slump, to tell you the truth. i've been zentangling and coloring in an adult coloring book, as well as rearranging and nesting some and reading good books while fasting from social media. but when it comes to photography, i've been taking a breather. 

i've been around this block enough times now so as to not be alarmed by the slump. i'm confident that in a few weeks i'll come back around to it. i don't even need to force it. this love affair with the art of painting with light and telling real stories that can be cherished for decades has already endured fifteen years at least; we're not breaking up now. ;)

so wherever you on this cold mid-winter day, friends, i hope you can give yourself permission to be there. in sickness or health, in inspiration or burn out, in transition or stability. you are where you are supposed to be, and each thing has it's season. this too, shall pass. 

and as you look forward into the coming months of this fresh year with hopes of documenting the stories of your own small and wonderful life, please reach out. i'll be ready for you. i'm booking spring sessions now, and will be taking only 2 or 3 each month. 

here's what i have to offer this year:

• family photojournalism  (there are three types now, did you know?!)
• birth stories (i have openings for april, july, and september - december)

and now, i invite you to witness our whirlwind christmas, in only iphoneography. (someone wise once said, after all, that the best camera is the one you have with you. amen).

also, in the midst of the aforementioned creative slump, i attended a remarkable birth in december and i'll be blogging that here soon. (insert emoji with heart eyes). and in spite of said creative slump, the images are something i'm proud of. can't wait to show you.

personal :: day in the [messy] life

waking up before my kids is an elusive ideal. i know the day will go better when i can manage it; i will be alert, caffeinated, showered, dressed, and filled with the Words of Truth. but when the baby wakes me 4 times in one night for a week straight, and then wakes me once a night and fusses for an hour before falling back asleep... well, i turn off the alarm. i've been feeling so worn down by the sleeplessness, and so scattered from the lack of morning time to center myself for the day. 

this morning as my husband left for his weekly early tuesday morning meeting, i was sitting in bed in the dark, listening to the children's voices coming from down the hall. they were already awake, the sun still below the horizon. i nearly cried. but while they were playing relatively happily, i snuck in a quick shower and while in the shower i had the idea to use my camera as therapy. so much for perfect, i thought. why even try today? i'm putting on the baggy, fraying blue jeans and crappy fitting t-shirts. i'm saying yes to the mess today. and i'm going to capture that mess. i'm going to capture it with a sense of humor, and perhaps even with some affection. 

so what lies below is the result of me doing that from about 9 am to 2:30 pm. this is our perfect imperfection. i'm offering it up as a little gift to say to you, mamas, that though my house cleans up nicely it rarely cleans up at all. i may make photographs that look idyllic, but sometimes that's because i know how to leave things out of the frame in such a way that you can't guess at the mess surrounding a spot of beauty or harmony. you can see my mess. 

first, a note about the cast of characters, so that these photos can speak without you getting confused along the way. the characters are my three kids, Hazel (4.5), Gus (2.5) and Walt (8 months), my husband Tim, my housemate (Mark), and my friend Bethany and her two little ones (ages 2.5 and 14 months) who came over for a playdate this morning and just fell right into the chaos with grace and humor. there's also a cameo appearance from one of our ministry's interns (our interns live in our ministry house across the ally), who had stopped by with Tim for a minute.

as i did this, my mood shifted from exhausted and defeated, to patient and wondering (because i was trying to document everything, even/especially the naughtiness, i had to wait and observe non-judgmentally before i reactively jumped in to stop anything), and eventually to gratitude and affection. it truly did. by the time we had seen hazel off to school and gotten the boys down for naps, i remembered again how much i love them, and love this crazy life we're living.

this is family photojournalism in it's purest form. there was no wardrobe premeditation, no house-sprucing, not attempts at good behavior. and you know what? that felt SO RIGHT, so freeing... and so stinking beautiful in the end. 

can i do this for you?

geeky photographer notes for those who are interested: i shot with my 24mm lens all day. the wide angle made it nearly impossible to leave out all the messy contexts, which is what i was shooting for today. a wide lens tells a bigger story oftentimes, though i'm often too shy to use it much in shoots for clients; it's a risky lens. i also shot in aperture-priority mode with the aperture wide open (f/2.8 for this lens), as well as auto-ISO mode (capped at 5000). i made this choice because by refusing to engage in the perfectionistic detail work of shooting in manual, i was more able to just roll with the punches, picking up my camera to take a shot when a moment was happening, while still participating in my family life fully. i needed that flexibility today.