birth center birth

birth :: dirk + madeline

In birth photographer circles, we talk about "Unicorn Births" -- in other words, the sorts of births that are so unique and rare that you don't expect to have the opportunity to ever see it. Well this one is definitely a unicorn birth! Mama Jessica's pregnancy and birth story is told in her own words and from her own perspective at the end of this post, but I need to give a couple up-front facts just so that what you're about to see makes sense. :)

This is a twin birth. Both twins were frank breech (that means their butts came out first) when Jessica went into labor. Both twins were born vaginally with the attendance of two skilled midwives with experience delivering both twins and breech babies, as well as an amazing naturopathic doula. I didn't even start shooting until Twin A was on his way out, and I haven't posted many of those photos simply because I'm erring on the side of modesty. I didn't even get to take any photos of Twin B's birth because I was snoozing downstairs when she very suddenly made her incredibly quick appearance in the bathtub five hours after her brother!

So Jessica's story -- shared at the end of this post -- will help fill in the gaps not covered by the photos. Be sure to read it! It's rather riveting.

When we first found out we were pregnant I was excited and scared to experience birth.  I spent the next couple months reading and watching home births, hospital “natural” births and just absorbing what our birth could be.  Very quickly I decided that a very private home birth is what I really wanted for our birth.  So that became our plan- a small, only the necessary people, home, hopefully water birth.  I envisioned our birth so clearly.  I wanted that moment of having baby placed on my chest and us connecting.  That moment of clarity of this is what the last nine months have been about, bringing this life into this world the way God intended.  Unfortunately we were thrown a lot of curve balls for a short amount of time and ended up with a different but unforgettable birth.

We were quick to start our search for a midwife for our home birth and ended up choosing a midwife pretty early in our pregnancy.  This particular person came with a very out of the box approach and gave my husband and I a different experience with a midwife.  Unfortunately we had a hand full of prenatal visits before some personal issues arouse with the midwife which made us choose to end the relationship and find another midwife.  At this point we were at the end of the second trimester.  We knew we needed to find a midwife but I was determined to interview at least three more before we chose.  So at 29 weeks we started with our second midwife.  This one was a lot more thorough which was necessary especially since I started experiencing some strange things.  I had started getting a lot of swelling in my feet, ankles and calves that moved into my thighs, a weird yeasty feeling in my womanly region, and a lot of movement.  The next four weeks of measuring my fundal height the midwife found that it doubled in the “normal” growth it should have.  This, along with the swelling and the other issues, indicated that we had the most life altering curveball God could have given us.

At this point we are 33 ½ weeks along and the midwife started searching for a second heart beat, which she found and I couldn’t deny that it sounded much different.  She suggested that I call and get an ultrasound scheduled to find out if there were two babies.  Up to this point in our pregnancy I had not gotten ultrasounds.  I didn’t want any unless there was a medical indication that we needed to check something.  Well now we had our medical reason!  It was important to find out if there were two, if there were then how are they positioned and did they have their own placentas.  I wasn’t able to get in for another week for the ultrasound so at 34 ½ weeks we officially found out we were going to have twins.  This was such a shock for us.  I have no family history of twins but in hind sight I always wished I would have them.  Growing up I was always lonely and wished I had a twin myself, someone closer to me than anyone else so thinking about it now I think this was a prayer that was answered many years later.  

The ultrasound showed us that the twins did have their own sacks and placentas which was great news.  However it also showed that they were both in the breech position which was not good news.  Bringing that information back to the midwife she basically told me that hospital birth was the only way and they would want to do a C-section especially since this was my first birth.  This was absolutely heartbreaking news to me.  I followed her recommendations and made an appointment with a ob/gyn in a hospital that has a reputation for being more “natural”.   At the same time though I followed my heart and called my doula, Heather Dexter.  I laid all my feelings on the line.  I told her how much I wanted to at least try to give birth vaginally.  Deep down I knew I could have these babies vaginally but I felt like I wasn’t even going to be given a chance.  And for many days I kept asking God  “Why?”.  Why am I  getting this challenge?  Why was I dealt this hand?  I did everything I could during my pregnancy to stay low risk and healthy but now no matter what I have become high risk.  But God always gives us challenges that he knows we can handle.

Heather began contacting midwives she knew dealt with more high risk births and gave me a huge list of names to contact too.  But in all the possibility she found our last midwife, Sara Badger.  She herself didn’t have a lot of experience with twins especially breech but her midwife mother, Anni, had delivered multiple sets of breech twins during her many years as a midwife.  Anni was our wild card.  If she was willing to fly in from New Mexico for our birth then Sara would be okay with us trying at her birth house in Grand Rapids.  The birth house was five minutes from the hospital and Sara could have the hospital ready in case something happened and we had to transfer there.  So this was our chance to have our vaginal birth.  Charlie and I went to meet Sara just to get a feel of the birth house and her since we had never met.  I will never forget that meeting.  We sat there as Sara told us everything that could go wrong and how uneasy she was about doing this.  She basically said we had everything working against us and she needed something positive to make her feel more comfortable about this.  I just cried as I told her I knew I could do this and I just needed to find a team that knew I could too.  When we left I didn’t feel that great about the meeting.  I could tell she was hesitant and unsure.  I knew we were not an easy case and she didn’t know anything about my pregnancy or about me.  At this point she was our only option.  I still had my appointment with the OB/GYN and Charlie really wanted me to pursue that and find out if they would allow me to try vaginally so I kept that appointment.  But since we now had twins and were considered high risk everyone became very overly concerned and I became very defensive.  I didn’t want more ultrasounds, I didn’t want extra tests and I was done with prenatal visits.  My theory was we had been doing good for the past 35 weeks before knowing we had twins so we will continuing doing good even after.  So I went almost two weeks without anyone checking anything and I was okay with that.  Our goal was to make it to 37 weeks. I felt completely confident about making that, but also that we were going to go longer.  

Then three days before we were 37 weeks I had the appointment with the OB/GYN.  I didn’t feel like going and in hide sight should not have gone.   I don’t like hospitals so right off the bat my blood pressure was high.  Which that hadn’t been the case in any of my prenatal visits so for me that was a huge red flag that I would not do well in the hospital environment.  Then the OB/GYN and I discussed giving birth vaginally which she basically told me that she would not let me try because I would kill the first baby.  I was in such shock and in a weak state that there was a part of me that believed this could be a possibility.  So instead of getting up and walking out I stayed.  I let her do an ultrasound, internal exam and run a couple tests.  The tipping point was when she wanted me to do a stress test and also another ultrasound.  I agreed, because disagreeing was getting me nowhere.  When I left I bee lined it to a bathroom where I broke down.  And I think that is what I needed to get me to that point of determination.  I walked out of that hospital, didn’t go get the stress test, didn’t get that ultrasound and never looked back.  I called Heather and told her there was no way I would be going to a hospital and we were going to go to the birth house.  I called Sara and told her to plan on our birth and we made an appointment for my first visit with her.  After that I felt good about my decision.  I wasn’t going to be scared into a C-section.  I was going to get my shot at a vaginal birth.  And I was going to make it to 38 weeks, or so I thought.  

Three days later, on Monday Dec 5, 2016 at 8am, my water broke.  That was the 37 week mark, the first day I had a doctor covering my office (I'm a chiropractor), and not at all when I thought I would go into labor.  My first call was to Heather to first confirm that it was my water but secondly to let her know for her kids.  The second call was to Sara to let her know.  Sara wanted me to come straight to the birth house.  Unfortunately we were not prepared for this.  I didn’t have bags packed, we had no food to bring with us, and I still felt like I was having period cramps so I wasn’t that concerned.  I could still feel babies moving so I told her we would be there in the afternoon, right now I was going to pack and labor at home.   As I packed things got more intense so I let everyone know we would be there at 1pm so then everyone could meet us.  Charlie rushed around getting things prepared for the animals and getting us food to take with us.  Once we were prepared we headed out at 1pm that day.  We got there and my contractions slowed right down.  The heart beats were good so to get things moving Heather, Charlie and I went for a walk around the block.  At this point I was so grateful to have Heather with us.  She kept Charlie focused on helping me and us moving so the contractions kept going.  She was really my mother hen.  She was there getting me things I needed and encouraging me as I labored but also sharing in many laughs that we had.  The funniest situation we were in was during our second walk around the block.  We were just around the corner from the birth house and there was a big man on his porch with another man.  Of course as we pass I get a contraction so we stop and I am working through it as I hear the big man yelling at us.  Charlie is talking back and laughing as the contraction stops the guy is right next to us.  He is talking about barbequing.  He takes out his phone and starts to show us pictures of ribs he barbequed up.  Charlie says we are going to come for dinner and very seriously the guy says “Naah there won’t be enough for y’all” turns around and walks away.  I don’t think he had any idea what we were doing!  After that walk things started progressing a lot faster.  I was on the exercise ball and in the bath tub until we finally things got serious.  

As we entered the pushing phase my contractions never got very close.  They were about 8-11 minutes apart.   Honestly at this point I remember bits and pieces but I was focused and zoned to giving birth.  I had read stories where women talked about this focus but I didn’t know if I could get there.  Trust me it was an instinct focus.  I didn’t try I just was in it.  I started out leaning on the foot of the bed.  Then the midwives encouraged me to get on the bed on all fours.  This worked for a while but with my legs as swollen as they were and as everyone getting on and off the bed I felt really unsteady.  Then we tried a birthing stool which was not comfortable at all.  So I went back to bending over, leaning on the foot of the bed.  This time however Charlie sat at the end of the bed and I leaned into him.  In this position is how Dirk came.  With every push I held onto Charlie and him to me as I squatted down.  Over about three hours I worked as Dirk dropped into my pelvic cavity.  It got to a point that his butt would pop out and then go back in.  I wasn’t pushing through the contractions.  I would stop at the point of discomfort.  It wasn’t painful but really felt like I was going to take an abnormal poop which is more uncomfortable.  Once Heather told me I had to push through that feeling it took me another two pushes and I had his little body out.  Since he was breech his head remained inside me.  This was when I remember the feeling of panic around me.  This was the “big risk” that the head would get stuck and he wouldn’t be able to breathe.  I remember this moment so clearly.  Everyone was telling me to push but I didn’t have a contraction so when I did push it didn’t feel like I was doing anything.  I was out of breath and could feel everyone’s panic.  Then I felt sharp pin pricks that afterwards found out it was them cutting my perineum so they could tip his head down.  His chin was getting caught so when they reached in pulled his chin down I was able to finish pushing him out.  The midwives told me that up to this point he was breathing, the cut gave him air and his umbilical cord was still pulsing, so he was okay through those two minutes it took me to get him out.  But once he was out he stopped breathing for a minute.  As I sat down and everyone is telling me to talk to him all I could think was “did I kill him?” because that is what the medical community said I would do.  I was so scared I had trouble coming up with words to say.  Those few seconds felt like the longest moments of my life.  But those seconds passed, he started breathing and I was able to hold him.  This is when it all felt real.  I know that is what Charlie felt.  I have only seen him cry a hand full of times but he was full on crying when he saw our son.  It was an amazing experience to bring him into this world.   He was born at 1:17am, weighed 5lbs 11oz, 18” long.  

We then spent five hours being a family of three.  This break was much needed.  Everyone went to separate places to take a nap and get something to eat.  I nursed Dirk, having a small contraction every 30 min or so, ate some food and got a little sleep.  Charlie stayed and slept next to us.  During this time Madelyn was working to get into position for her birth.  About 4 hours we spent like this until Anni came to check Madelyn’s heart beat.  She was still doing good but Anni suggested we start getting the contractions going again so that baby number two could join us.  Heather got a bath going since for Dirk it helped a lot to get his contractions ramped up.  I handed Dirk over to Charlie and they continue to sleep in the bed since no action had started yet.  I went with Heather to the bath tub.  As we sat there we talked about the guy and the ribs he cooked, wondering if we could go over there now and get some food!  As we were laughing I felt my first contraction in the tub come on.  I got prepared and slightly beared down with it as I feel a whooshing feeling inside and then a baby flying out into the water.  Heather in the mean time starts to yell for Anni, as Madelyn is born!  Heather scooped her out of the water and placed her on my chest as Anni walked in stating time of birth as 6:37am.  This little girl came out of the water screaming.  Her lungs were in full use and didn’t stop until her brother was place next to her on my chest.  As soon as he was next to her she stopped screaming immediately.  At this point we were officially a family of four.  Madelyn weighed 4lbs 8oz.  

Before this birth everyone I talked to was very cautious to agree with how I wanted to bring these children into this world.  I struggled because as I talked to people I almost felt selfish- “I want to” is what I kept feeling like I was saying.  It took a quiet moment one day for me to really reflect on why I wanted to birth this way.  I could argue that it was the healthier way to be born was the major reason but it was only a part of the decision.  In my heart I felt like God wouldn’t have placed these two babies in my belly if I couldn’t have them the way he intended children to be born.  I wanted to honor him through our birth.   One thing I never told anyone is that as soon as the contractions started I felt like there was always this man standing next to me with his hand on my shoulder.  I never felt like I couldn’t have these babies vaginally.  That presence kept me feeling safe and secure.  I had faith that God was with us, watching over us, and helping us birth these two gifts in his name.  Our birth story is really a testament to faith in the Lord and the path he has given us.  

I can’t say thank you enough to our team.  Sara Badger, her mother Anni and her whole team were the only team that supported us and allowed us to have this birth.  Heather Dexter, our doula, was the best support through the labor and delivery that I could have ever asked for.  She was not only there for me but for my husband and now my kids.  Brooke Collier was our birth photographer.  She took pictures that I would never have dreamed possible.  So thank you to everyone who supported us!  We couldn’t have done it without you!

birth :: alec glendon

Melinda and her family moved back to the US from central America midway through her second pregnancy. In addition to the myriad difficult transitions involved in such a move, Melinda's husband Santiago often works overseas, which meant that his ability to be present at the birth was uncertain. preparing for the possibility of his absence, Melinda assembled a dream team for herself, knowing that she'd need the support -- and photos to show Santiago later -- if he wasn't able to be there. as a doula herself, she hired two amazing doulas -- Laurie and erica guthaus -- to attend her, and she booked herself at Midwifery Matters Birth Center with their great nurse midwife team. 

in the end, it turned out that Santiago was in the US and therefore very much present -- and offering the amazing support of near constant counter-pressure to her sacrum! -- throughout. but it moved FAST. by the time her mother and laurie got Melinda safely to the birth center (which was well over an hour away), she was already very nearly ready to give birth. after the somewhat intense arrival, she sunk into the welcoming water of the beautiful birth tub and quickly found her center again, relaxing into the rhythm and pressures of her body working hard to bring out her baby. she was so surrounded every step of the way with all sorts of support. it was beautiful to see the effect of a focused, caring birth team dancing well together all around Melinda. 

then it was time to leave the water, to work through those final difficult contractions on the toilet before moving to the floor (hey, ya do what sounds best in the moment!) to mightily push her baby out. he was very nearly born in the caul, in fact his head came out that way, but due to meconium in the water, the midwife wisely ruptured the bag before the rest of his body was born. the look on melinda's face when she pulled him up to her chest was ecstatic relief and truly a very moving moment. i hovered over her and her four support people clustered around her as she clutched him close and said over and over again, "i did it! i did it!" since gender was a surprise, she waited several moments before looking, but announced beforehand that she could tell by touch that he has a second son. :)

they then moved to the bed and got tucked in to enjoy more than an hour of uninterrupted skin-to-skin time before the newborn exam and melinda's own clean-up began. 

a fast-moving but peaceful birth. what a gift. 

Photographing births is hands down one of my greatest joys. Because I'm gearing up to have my own (fourth) baby in December, I'll be taking a hiatus through March. But i plan to get back to it in April, and it's not too soon to book me for your birth if you're a mama due in April and onward. I also have availability for one birth in November of this year yet. 

birth :: emmaus sol (an adoption story)

i was supposed to be on maternity leave. but when maleny contacted me about photographing her birth story, i couldn't say no. i just couldn't. because maleny is one of the generous and selfless women who chose life for her child, and then bravely chose to share that child's life with a family whose arms had long been empty, waiting and longing to be filled. in other words, this birth would be an adoption story. 

maleny wrote out her story for me, the story that begins with finding out she was pregnant with emmaus. though it's too long to share here in its entirety, i'll insert a few excerpts in what follows.

On October 27, 2014 i found out i was pregnant. i knew then that i would not be able to provide and adequate life for this human developing inside of me. my conviction to give birth was solid, but parenting was not. despite my episodes of fear, confusion, and rage, i knew that baby was and is worthy of experiencing life. life of beauty, wonder, amazement, hurt, surprises, questions, answers and most importantly: love.

after a long journey filled with disappointments and false starts, maleny was connected with the couple who would end up being emmaus' family. megan and luis are the couple maleny chose to raise her baby. maleny describes them:

As i got to know Megan and Luis, I adored them... Megan is the kind of person who isn’t afraid to speak her mind, but feels the mood to approach things in an appropriate manner. she’s unique, intelligent, creative, and encouraging... Luis is an introvert, quiet, gentle, thoughtful, and entirely stoic. He processes subjects critically and is very conscientious on how to frame his ideas.... They balance one another. I like them very much.

In the months leaded up to maleny's estimated due date, the three of them worked hard to build a trusting, open relationship, and then to develop a birth plan. they chose a natural birth at a birth center with a team of midwives, as well as a doula. they also worked together to come up with a boy name and a girl name, but decided to leave the gender a surprise. 

i can't begin to express how in awe i was of maleny as she labored for this boy. she chose the absolute best start for him through a series of loving and informed decisions: like a birth that would not include drugs and interventions, and the careful selection of a birth team that would surround her and the baby in trusting support and love. my eyes filled with tears at this demonstration of love, which was so evident every step of the way, through all the pushing, then the moment he was laid on her chest, and into the moment she released him into megan's arms, then as she smilingly watched him be measured and weighed and fed his first "meal" of donated breastmilk. 

while Maleny labored and delivered, Megan and Luis were waiting just downstairs for the moment when someone would call down for them to come up and meet their baby. the moment they came into the room and laid eyes on their son is an incredible one to see (check out their facial expressions in the photos!) they were effervescent with joy as they held him, grateful disbelief spreading over their faces.

after emmaus arrived, was measured, weighed, diapered and fed, megan asked if we could take a few shots of him in a special blanket. this blanket (in which you'll see emmaus wrapped in the final photo in the slideshow below), was knit square by square through tears and prayers over the last four years, as megan and luis waited in hope and fought off despair, until at last there were enough squares to be put together into a baby blanket. a baby blanket that is finally full with a baby. a handsome, dark-haired, and perfectly formed 8 lb son.

and now i'll stop my effusive writing about this birth and let the photos do the talking. 

[note: just one more thing: several of these photos include nudity that couldn't be cropped out as i was actually shooting. though the family wants and treasures those images, in the slideshow below i have opted to use simple opaque shapes to preserve modesty because it was either that or omit some images that are pretty important to the storyline. i hope this choice won't too badly distract from the emotion and flow of the story.]

Here's a huge shout-out to the incredible team that made this birth as supported and empowering and loving as it could possibly have been.

Midwife: Sara Badger

Student Midwives: Becky Burkett and Kelsey Ingvartsen

Doula: Erica Guthaus

Birth Center: Cedar Tree Birth and Wellness